Welcome to the first official issue of FIREZINE: The Official Official Magazine Of The Firesign Theatre, not to be confused with any other official publications or unofficial magazines or newsletters falsely claiming the official title of being official, when they are not. Holding the office of the head official of this official publication, as editor and cheap typist, I officially declare the purpose of this official publication to be first official, as stated by the official Firesign Theatre, and secondly to be not only funny, but informative and as official as possible.
FIREZINE has been formed from the dust of all preceding official publications officially sponsored by Firesign Theatre to provide and otherwise provoke the individual official members an official outlet to plug their current official projects, create new official material specifically for this magazine and to publish official archival material both unpublished and officially released through official channels, and unofficially pirated and pilfered material violating the various official codes of conduct and practice as described in the official publications of the office of the correct official department of the United States Government, whatever that may be, buried deep in the bowels of Washington, DC, the official capitol of the United States of America.
That being said, it can now be safely assumed by the general public and official subscribers to this official publication of The Firesign Theatre that we, FIREZINE, can claim to be the one and only officially sanctioned official publication bearing the Firesign Theatre name on the cover and as an advertising gimmick to sucker in potential buyers of our official products, and that there is no further need to drive the official stake into the heart of this editorial column, about being official, as we believe you probably get the point by now. However, if there are any questions pertaining to our official use of the Firesign Theatre name, please feel to send correspondence to our official post office box address, posted elsewhere in this magazine and mark it "RE: CY CLING", to be sure it reaches our official complaint department official. Thank you so very much.
Another purpose of FIREZINE is to promote to the reading public and fans of The Firesign Theatre, the idea that Firesign Theatre is not only 4 or 5 Krazy guys that occasionally meld officially together, but also 3, 2 or 1 Krazy guy in any, all or no combinations of the beforeunmentioned Phil Austin, Peter Bergman, David Ossman and Philip Proctor, officially known as The Firesign Theatre. These gentlemen are branded for life by their past accomplishments and shall ever remain so in our hearts and minds, no matter what they do or what transpires, and will continue to promote themselves that way anyway, so why not go with the flow. Therefore in the course of the year each member will be featured as individuals on the cover of FIREZINE and in articles pertaining to their recent and past activities and with the group and other individuals as well. Once a year a 5th issue will be an all Firesign Theatre feature and summarize the year's events.
FIREZINE hopes to be a fan forum as well and solicits photos, reviews, letters, articles and reminiscences for the group and individual issues, and your comments and complaints as well. We will be offering classified advertising for those selling or seeking Firesign collectibles and related items that may be of interest to our readers. Ads will be a dollar a line, limited to 5 lines as shown on this page. For other advertising space, please inquire about our rates and specifications.Thank you for your interest in FIREZINE, and now: on with the show..........
- Frederick C. Wiebel, Jr.